Loves.

I know my birthday is still a long time away, but I will really love to have a shin tzu =)

I'm missing cody already. My cousin had two shin tzu too. Perhaps when they give birth

to pups, I'll get one. I really want one!

Anger is due to the lack of grace towards human flaws and feeling of rights being violated.

Sometimes I just get so angry, with you, him, her and them. At myself too.

Sometimes, I felt as if we are too selfish.

But who am I. To be angry?

Sometimes I cried at your smile and smile at your tears.

Did you give me the right to be angry?

Had He given me the right to be angry?

How can I love you and not be angry with you?

How can I love you and not cry for you?

I don't like the stuff you are doing now. I am angry with you. I don't think I have the right to, but I am. No, I think, I have. I don't care.

You don't care too.

And that's great.

Sometimes, I need to learn to breathe in your love, or the lack of.

No worries, if you don't understand what the whole chunk above is about. I didn't mean for another to understand. And if you do, then I would say, "WOW, youTOO?" =)

Hi all, my favourite song at the moment.

Smiles. Laughs.

A picture, speak a thousand words, if I could, I would have love to show you guys what a beautiful night I had on saturday. As much, I hate to leave my coreteam (we were celebrating Alvin's birthday), I left the celebration a little earlier to join the two lovely rachels for yet another birthday celebration. It was lovely Hammy Chong's birthday.

In a nutshell, what happen was,
21 helium filled balloons through NSL, citylink finally to the roof terrace of esplanade. Hammy commented, I bought rainbow to citylink in between giggles. I glared at her.
I had a had time, untangling the 21 balloons, the birthday girl had to do it herself. >.< I learnt, we are indeed made for different things. I tangled stuff, she helps me untangle =)
We released the 20 balloons to the night sky. It looks, cute. Like candies in the sky. Must have spiced up the night of the rest in the roof terrace.

Fondue at hiagen diaz.
Hammy and I entertained Rachel with our usual conversations.
I was entertained by Hammy's total "uncoolness".
Actually over that table, entertainment must have worked three ways, only, I believe Rachel is the most entertained.

My night ended with a long walk with Rachel (Fong), a much appreciated one. A unique friend. =)

And I thank the Lord for Hammy Chong, she brought a smile to my face and heart, after a long tiring day. Love you Hammy =). I am pedigree can!

How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

If only I know. And you had allowed.

Learning to breathe
in your love

My days had been so busy, I hardly had time to breathe. Agendas, after agendas, concerns, issues, things to go after, to look after, skills to improve, responsiblities to be fulfilled. My, week has been truly busy, and because it's had been so hectic, rest is thus well appreciated. Last night, I vomitted everything that I ate for the entire day and hadn't had any intake since then till now. While the whole ordeal was pretty uncomfortable, it suddenly dawn on me, as I lay on my bed looking at the clock that, it's been long, since I last went to bed at 10 oclock. It was a much appreciated rest. Comfort was short lived, I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning. Lord please heal me! When I don't feel like eating, I know I'm really sick. >.<

I'm learning to breathe...

Over it

Presenting the song that I couldn't get off my head.

My rabbit, hectic schedule.

No, my rabbit doesn't have a hectic schedule, I have. I just wanted to make the entry title sound nicer. Bascially, this entry is about my rabbit, and my hectic schedule.

Let me just start with my schedule first. For the next 3months I have appointments which are fixed on my weekly schedule. (Just occur to me that, it will be helpful for those who wants to date me out. Besides these slots, and shepherding, I'm actually free. oh excluding work too.)

Monday: Keyboard lesson 3:15-4:15 work 5pm onwards *
Tuesday: ULC 7:30pm -10pm
Wednesday: Vocal lesson 5:45PM-6:45PM
Thursday: Caregroup 5pm-8pm work
Friday: NE Prayermeet 5pm-6pm work
Saturday: SERVICE
Sunday: Work at 5pm

That's all folks. You can still date me out you know? hahaha......

Oh and I was just sharing with my shepherd that I need to classify my agendas into groups of which, each ended up in list.
Somehow, this is an entire different life from JC. *paradox I know. AH WELLS.

And so, I really understand why people get really busy. It's possible to be very very busy.

Back to my rabbit. I didn't know the rabbit shampoo comes in so many brands with different prices too. My rabbit actually share alot of things in common, however through the rabbit shampoo shopping experience I realise, that unlike me, my rabbit need not invest that much on hair(fur) products, she got naturally soft fur. Aish, not as if I aspire to have soft fur. NO FUR.
My rabbit is ridiculously mercenary. I wonder, those all animals act that way.

Ridiculously mercenary implies that you can't lure her with any TOM DICK AND HARRY food. *not that TOM DICK AND HARRY is not a brand, merely an expression. I'm a little worried that, if one day, she were to go missing, will she ever survive out there in the wild, there's only cockroaches and grass. >.<

Hope and Dreams

Yesterday, is a day of much gains. I gain much from the experiences of the day, stories that I heard, sharing of Gideon. We were ask to share our blessings, I didn't had a chance to share mine. If I had, I would share that thank God for the full attendance, yesterday. It's been long. Been long that all came. Though it's not the same service. But, at least all, had came to worship him in service. I hope they have all gotten something. And I pray that one day, it will be the entire group on the table exchanging laughters and whatnots.

We didn't had much visitors. I don't know about the rest, but for me, I felt that I have shortchange those lives that might have been touched, should I have put in that extra effort. When I was younger, I was "pushed" by my leader to love others. I finally grew, to want to love others. The Easter service is good, many lives must have been touched. How about the many others out there? When will we stop looking at our own "beauty from pain"?
Self absorption gets irritating at times.
We already have God's presence in our life 24/7, the extra effort put in, in the Easter Service is really for those who didn't have his presence in their life.
You get it?
Yes you do.
Are you doing it?

God's love don't stop after Easter, and so the work is not done yet.
Shame on those who say they are tired, you are tired because you spend too much energy soaking in your own pain and problems. Shame.

Sorry that I have digress from the tittle. I just wanted to share a piece of my mind. I am angry at myself, how sometimes I get selfish. And I get angry with the others who are selfish too. Yet I recongnise that I am in no position to judge. But if we spend lesser time indulging in our emotions and problems, we can do more.

Back to Hopes and dreams, looking through my Believer Music schedules and progress report, I'm reminded of hopes and dreams. I doing pretty good in my beginner course, the module had just ended and I'm embarking on a new course. The path to being really good, would take some time, but I'm glad that, instead of dreaming, I'm taking steps to actualise them. It had just occur to me, that in ministry, we often end up, who we envision to be. People without vision, actualise their vision too, they float around, aimlessly, going witht the flow. And those, with a Godly vision, count the cost, pay the price, make the many sacrifices, and they will finally get to the places where God once showed them in their dreams.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

I always trust God, to be the maker of all things, that include dreams and reality.

Self Talk

I have to blog something. Really.
This place had been quiet for so long, I wonders who comes here anyway.
For the faithful ones we stayed on, this dying blog, I appreciate ya readership, and in turn you are rewarded with my ramblings and what nots. =)

If there's one that I had resoluted lately (besides the the ongoing decision to lead the healthier lifestyle, shed some pounds, of which I renewed that oath last night), is that, I should cease to externalise my internal conflicts. I realise I have a high tendency to verbalise the things that goes in my brains, and when you have brains that is fed with shows like FRIENDS and chic lit, smart things don't often come out, worse still, not so kind things. And if there's one serious lack in my speech, I would have to say, it's tact. I've been reminded by some around me to speak with tact. And the many "shock" looks that comes from my fellow church mates as I converse had really made start thinking, if there's something wrong with the way that I speak.

Like how we often make fun of sensitive bimbos who in between sniffs make comments like
imagine high pitch squealing voices...
"It's not what you said, but the way you say it!"

Then they start crying and crying....

*roll eyes*

Get a grip friend. Catch my point and move on ya?

haha... Oh wells.. yes, people I will watch my speech to be more tactful. And the next time you will find me not really speaking at all. Perhaps, that's the reason why I don't really converse well with sensitive people.I will lend to lack (tactfully) vocabulary to convey my message effectively.

Ah wells...

Oh by the way, the entry is entitled self talk, coz I wana talk more about self talk that I had when I'm on my way to SMU today,. but apparently I do not have much time left. I've got more serious things to do, aish.

* I can't believe it that, the carebear bath towels went out of stock. Now I need to source for new birthday presents for hammy chong. troublesome!